Jade's fic
by yaoi coveness
Summary: an onther old fic for a friend.


**Why?**

Ok. First off this is the 1x2 Fic I promised Jade. Now the second thing is I also wrote this to tell you people a thing or two about slitting. I am getting pissed off at all you people when you don't know what you are talking about. Well I'm sure you don't want to hear more of my ravings, so here is my story. Enjoy.

Disclaimers: I do not Own Gundam Wing. I do not wish to. I wish to own the Sunrise Corporation, who, in turn, owns Gundam Wing and a lot of the other Anime we get here in North America. Hehehehehe.

Warnings: Angst, Lemon, Sap… The list goes on people.

Rating: Well Duh!! If it's a lemon then it is NC-17. Got it. Alright then moving on.

Pairing: 1x2, 3x4, there I think that's all.

Oh and please ignore any miss spelled words or bad punctuation. Thank you

Ahhh. Another mission, well kind of. We are suck in a safe house for the next, lets see, month. All five of us. I am only glad that I have my bag of helpful trinkets along with me. As I enter my shared room I look around and pick my bed. And low and behold, the first thing I do is plant two razor blades under my pillow. I walk over to the adjoining bathroom and find another safe place for two more of my trinkets. I know, I know. What if they get lost, well then I have my keys. No one ever thinks to take those away. And the so many other items in the house.

Well mind, do you think I have it all? I really got to stop talking to myself, although it's not like I have anyone else to talk to. I feel tired; it has been a long week. I know I should go see how the others are doing, but, at the moment, I don't care.

Mmm. I swear someone hit me. Damn it's too early, this is supposed to be a vacation, well as much of a vacation as we get. I move a little.

"Maxwell, Get Up!" The words are harsh and clipped; I know immediately that it is Heero talking to me, or at least his version of talking.

"What Heero?"

"You heard me Maxwell, Get Up."

"Why?"

"Don't ask, just do." He says as he walks away.

"Fine!!" I yell and through one of my cousins at his back. I am sure not to grab the one above the razors, last thing I need is a lecture from him. Even if I care for him. That's right, I care for the stone hearted one himself Heero Yuy. Fun, Huh? It's not like he will ever care for me back.

I roll out of the warm bed and get dressed. By the time I get downstairs the food is cold, damn! And I love food. I look around to see where the others are. Quatre and Trowa are indulging one another and Wufei seems to be lost in his book. Heero is at the computer typing.

I walk over to him. "Yeah! What's the big deal about getting me up, if there is no reason to be up?"

"There is always a reason to be up Maxwell, now go away." He voice is so cold, sometimes I don't know why I love him, but I do. I am sooo sad that way.

I slowly walk away, not like there is any reason to stay here. I go back to the room and review how the day has occurred, all 50 minutes of it. Lets see. The lovebirds are, yet again, almost making out and Wufei could care less about the world. Hell he could be crushed by a bomb right now and not notice. And then there is my infatuation. Just sitting there and not paying any attention to anything past that damned screen.

I need something to do. I look around the house. There on the top floor is a small trap door. Most likely leading to an attic. I love going through old things like that. I finally after much swearing make it through the trap door. Inside isn't as dusty as you would think. I walk around a bit before finding a bed and a chest and a stack of old books. I find a light and switch it on.

The room is beautiful. There is a small collection of china dolls in one corner. There is more dust than I thought. The books consist of many different subjects and styles. Some look very interesting. I pull out a rage and slowly start to clean off some of the items. I work through lunch and all the way to supper. Now I am hungry. I look around. The room looks much better. This helped, almost enough to block out the awful things this morning. I know they my not have seemed awful, but they were.

I sneak out, not wanting the others to know where I have been. I get downstairs. The others, again, have eaten and haven't waited for me. But they notice me now.

"Hey Duo." Quatre calls. I walk out to see the three of them sitting in the living room. Heero is still plastered to his computer screen.

"What happened?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean look at you Duo. You're a mess."

"Yeah Maxwell, what happened? A roll through a dust pan?"

"No!!" I can think of anything else to say.

"Yeah Duo, you do look that dirty."

"Dirty Duo. That's always you." Quatre have laughs.

I can't take it any more. "Don't Ever say that!!!" I reach out and hit the little blond boy smack in the nose. I turn before his lover can hit me for it. I run as fast as I can up to our room. I run it to the bathroom and lock the door.

I start to look for my blades. Not there. How could they not be there? I open the door quietly and pull one out from under my pillow. I quickly run back into room and close the door.

I turn the water on and try to wash away all of my pain. Didn't work, so go to plan B. I reach out and pull the blade close to my skin. In a quick movement I slash the upper part of my arm. The part that is always covered by cloth. I move to my stomach and make three small cuts right below where my ribs meet. I watch the small amounts of blood wash away and with it my pain. I still can't believe Quatre would say that. I didn't mean to hit him; I just couldn't handle that today. It just brought back the memory of the children back on L2. I remember they would beat me down to the ground and in a circle around me chant. "Duo's dirty Duo's dirty." Over and over again. I hated them for it. And I will never take that kind of talk form anyone again.

I sleep well tonight, even though I should be cringing for what I did the Quatre. But the thing is I always sleep well after I have cut. I don't talk much with the others for the next week. I feel bad, and not too talkative. I know that's wired, but I just can't stand to do it any more. I remember when this started; it was the same time I started to hurt my self, to make me feel better.

I sit and remember. I had been having a really bad week; one of the worst weeks of my life. I felt so bad. I remember one of the girls and the church saying it made her feel better when she could just watch the pain drip away. I never knew what she meant, until we found her one morning, she had bled all night. I saw her arms she was so marked up. I never wanted to be like that. But during this week her words kept getting to me. Watch all my pain wash away. I was so sad one night, so I took an e-xacto knife and made a small cut on my upper arm. I never felt anything so good before in my life. I have been doing it ever since. I can never let the others know though. I can't have them judge me more then they already do.

Change in POV- Point of View

I don't know what's wrong with Duo. I've never seen him like this before. I say his eyes go big when Quatre said he was dirty. I knew it hurt him, but I never expected him to act like that.

He has been acting strange for a while now. Not talking or eating as much as he used to. And I am worried about the three razor blades I found in the bathroom. I really hope he's not hurting himself. I have a feel though that just won't go away that says I'm right.

I pray that Duo isn't. I would hate to think he hurt himself. That he left scars on his beautiful body. I watch him all this time. I am getting more worried though. He doesn't pester me like he used to and he is always hiding his left wrist from me. I hope it's not what I think.

I am spending hours in the room I found. It is so peaceful. It has been three weeks since I last cut. I love this room. It helps in it's own little ways. I only wish that someone else would help me in little ways as well. Someone else with cobalt eyes and dark brown hair, who's eyes never seem to leave the computer screen. I am getting worried though. A surprisingly large amount of my razors are gone. I hope Heero hasn't found them.

Great. Now the others have been called to mission. Now it's just me and Heero; wonderful. I lie back on the bed and wonder about things. I look over at him and back to the ceiling. I don't even here him get up.

"Duo. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why were these under your pillow?"

I freeze. I don't even have to look to see; I know what he is holding. "I…I… can't talk now." I say as I jolt off the bed and head for the nearest door. Luckily I caught Heero off guard and made it to the door before he could see me. I knew he would find me.

Low and behold. Rain. I watch it fall from the small window in the room. I sit on the bed with me legs pulled up to my chest. Thinking maybe I should tell Heero. No. He wouldn't understand and why would I need his help. I can answer that, because he is your friend and I hate acting this way.

I hear a small noise and my head flies around to see what it is, only to be met with cobalt eyes looking back at me.

"Hello Duo."

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!" I yell and fall off the side of the bed with a loud thud.

"Duo!! Are you alright?" I feel Heero's strong hands help me up.

"I'm fine."

"Duo. You never answered my question. Why do you have these?"

"Why do you?" Again that eerie silence.

I walk past him and don't look back. I hate the ice glares he gives me when I question him. I jump down and run. I soon here him follow me. But not even he can catch me. I run out the front door and out into the woods the surround the little house. I don't even know why I am running only that I should.

I keep running until I am sure he hasn't found me. I lean against a tree. And sink down to the ground as I am assaulted by the cold spraying of the rain. I can't move, and I don't want to; I just sit there and let the cold take over.

I don't know what I did to upset Duo like that; I only wanted to help him. I hear more than I see him run out side. I figure let him cool off for a little. But that little has turned into an hour and I am getting worried. I decide it is too long in this kind of cold. I grab my coat and run out. I head in the direction I saw him go, and hope for a mericle.

I got one; I can see Duo. He looks awful I pick up his frozen body and carry it back. He doesn't have the strength to protest.

I feel Heero carry me in to the house. I hear him mumble a few words before taking me upstairs to our shared room. He takes me up to his bed and lays me down on it. I feel him tug at the buttons of my shirt. I freak out. He of all people can't see my cuts.

"Duo. What are you doing? You need to get these wet cloths off before you freeze to death."

"Like you care!! If I'm gone you won't have to look after Maxwell any more." I didn't mean to be so harsh, I just…well I don't know what.

"Duo. I do care. I don't want to loose you." He looks so concerned. "But I am sure in your state you can't do it your self and besides, I like taking care of Maxwell."

"I…" Can't fight him on that, so I give in and hope he goes blind. I watch as his eyes grow big as he takes my shirt off. So I guess that wish didn't come true. Now I wait in horror of what he will say.

"Duo…. What are these?"

"What do they look like Heero!?" I feel my eyes burn as I say those words.

"Duo." His hand reaches up and touches one of my scars. "How long?"

"I…A few months."

"How many is a few?"

"Six."

"God Duo. Why?"

"Because I am alone and no one cares."

I think I hit something inside him.

"Duo. I care I've always cared." He's leaning closer. "And I always will." With that his lips meet mine. I've wanted this for so long I don't know how to react. I just sit there dumbly and let him kiss me. And since I don't respond, he lets the kiss go and backs away. I can see the hurt in his eyes.

"Duo, I'm sorry I did that." What? Why? Why is he sorry? Oh. Since I didn't do anything he thinks, he thinks I've rejected him.

I reach my hand up to touch my tingling lips and smile at him. I lean forward and place my hand at the back of his neck and pull our foreheads together. "Why in the world would you be sorry?"

He opens his moth to explain and I swoop down to plant a kiss on his open lips. I lean back into the pillow, pulling him down along with me. Finally I let go of the kiss and lay my head completely down. I look up into Heero's beautiful eyes above me.

"Your right Duo, I don't have anything to be sorry for." And with that he straddles my middle and kisses me once again.

I feel his hands start to roam my scared body. He brushes them so gently. Oh god this is not fair. I was hard when he first kissed me, now, well now I think that a rock is softer than me. I feel his light touches grow closer and I don't want him to stop. I feel his hand on my clothed erection and gently start to brush the hardened flesh.

I now look to see where my hands have gone, other than up his shirt. They are sitting nicely on his so perfect ass. I slowly start to kneed into the flesh under my fingers. I slowly move my hands up his back and pull his shirt up. "Off." I am barely able to hiss at him as hot skin met with mine. I feel his hands fumble with the zipper of my pants.

Oh god. They're off and he is on me faster than I can react. His expert tongue draws down the entire length of my straining cock. I can't do anything but arch off the bed and moan. I open my eyes just a stilt to see him smile. Wow I got the first smile ever out of Heero Yuy.

My hands move down and pull at the waistband of his spandex. He gets the idea very quickly. I feel his fingers move down my body, searching for my entrance. One slender lubed finger slides into me. I let out a low moan, which Heero immiditly swallows in a searing kiss.

I soon feel and second and a third finger join the first. "Are you ready Duo?" Whoa! Were the hell did that come from. I need to think, think man think. Damn. I can speak. I settle for shaking my head in a yes way. At least I hope that's what I did. I think so, because I can felt he head of his cock at my entrance. I feel him push all the way in.

I lie there for a moment and will my muscles to relax. Soon I start to wriggle under Heero and he slowly starts to pull almost completely out, before slamming back in. When he comes back in he hit that magic spot that makes me see little white dots. I let put a cry and grab onto Heero's strong shoulders. He starts to pick up the pace, and hits that magic spot every time he enters me. Soon I feel his hand grasp onto my straining erection and start to pump me in time with his thrusts.

"God…Heero!!!!" I scream as I empty my passion on to the two of us. Two more thrusts and Heero joins me screaming my name in passion as he fills me.

Finally he collapses on to me. I can feel him trying to move, but his limbs have turned to jelly. "That was wonderful Heero." I say as I pull him farther up my body.

He looks up at me from under those sweat soaked bangs of his and smiles at me. "I love you Duo. Don't you ever forget it."

"Well I won't, as long as we can do this as much as we want." I feel him laugh against my chest as he gently pulls out and lies next to me.

"Deal."

"I love you Heero." I say as I lean in and kiss him again before he pulls the blanket up over us. I lie there and think, maybe now I won't have to feel pain.

Tah Dah. Hehehehe. Took me long enough to finish this. I need to spend more time writing. Well any ways. I know it totally gets off my raving thing. Look I can only stay pissed on something for so long and right now I'm pumped up on Tylenol and other happy make Thorn feel better while sick drugs. So I'm in happy land. Hehehe Thanks for reading. And in case no one noticed. I suck at titles.


End file.
